OK, I now fully admit to myself -- Francis is a Difficult Child. Or, rather, a difficult child to parent. I have plowed my way through mountains of parenting books, (the latest being The Difficult Child, Nurturing the Difficult Child, The Spirited Child), consulted with his daycare, met with the AHR child psychologist ...
Right now I feel that despite my best efforts I am not providing Francis with what he needs. I spend so much of my day fighting him -- to get dressed, to eat, to stop hitting his sister. I get accidents reports from his daycare -- Francis hitting another child in frustration, Francis kicking his teacher, Francis throwing his toys.
And yes, I see you out there -- you Moms in IKEA and on the playground and at his daycare. Pitying me -- or Francis. Saying, either he needs more structure/more discipline, or less structure or discipline. If I didn't have Stella I would admit that yes, the problem is me, my parenting. But Stella, with all her health and neurological issues, is an very easy child to parent compared to Francis.
This is a sad post. I am worried that Francis is internalizing that his poor behaviour means that he, as a person, is bad. And this worry is crushing my soul, breaking my heart. I am sending out a prayer that I can find a better way to nurture him, because god, I love and care for him.
You can send out a prayer for me, too, if you like.
