All in a Day's Work

Oh, isn't she beautiful? Babies are so delicious, but! that heart-shaped face! those long eyelashes! that downy hair! The newly minted 3-year old Francis seems positively ancient next to her. I knew that I would love my kids, but I had no idea just how fiercely and complete that love would be. I have a feeling that being Stella's Momma will test that fierceness.

We are continuing to spend lots of time at the hospital. The good news is, Neurology agrees with me. The bad news is, Neurology agrees with me. She is developmentally delayed, with sensory and physical tone issues. We are continuing with the Brain Gym, and now Neurology is arranging for us to have Physiotherapy. We are having surgery (wah! it hurts to even type that!) in 2 weeks to have tubes put in her ears, poor girl. I am meeting with the FSCD to see if they can help us out.

It is really overwhelming, trying to work our way through the medical labyrinth. The various departments at the hospital don't talk to each other, and I am not sure what Stella needs, really. (Sensory therapy? Physical therapy? Occupational therapy?) It's a full-time job, and I think that the whole family is feeling the stress. Dan (my husband!) is sleeping downstairs by himself (how romantic!) while I sleep upstairs with Stella, and Francis, after a year and a half of assigning Daddy to Alpha and Mommy to Beta, has become super-incredibly clingy. He follows me everywhere -- it would be really nice to be able to pee without company. He is having anxiety and night terrors that only Mommy can soothe.

And Then I ...

Daily, Francis' imagination reveals itself. There's a lot going on in there, apparently. He is learning to tell antidotes, and wants to be in on the dinner-time conversation. Oh, did I say conversation? As in, I talk and you listen, then you talk and I listen, and we both talk about something related, so there is a logical thread in the back-and-forth? With Francis, it is All-Francis-AlltheTime. "And then he went like this? Like dat, Momma? And there was a peacock? And he had a big big tail? And the boy laughed? Like dat, Momma?" (Momma is nodding vaguely at this point, her mind in rapid rewind. Where? When? Is this a real event, or a make-believe? Something we read in a book?) "Oh, you saw the peacock when you went to the zoo with Grandma?". Impatient nodding. Of course, Momma, you dolt.

The other great thing about 3-year-olds is how they mirror the worst parts of yourself. You hear yourself in their squeaky little voices and you think, good god, I sound like that? As in, "Daniel, where you are? Daniel!" Or, "Momma, I am very disappointed in you. 'Cause I need that cookie." "Hello, Stella? How is my sweet sweet girl?" (in falsetto).

Stella Update

My project for this week has been negotiating the labyrinth of the medical system. Stella is missing her milestones already, and I am trying to arrange to get her therapy, both physical (she is hypertonic) and visual. I firmly believe that we should be doing something now rather than wait until she is grossly delayed. (Why hasn't our pediatrician arranged for something?) The nurse at the community clinic where we went for her immunization has refered us to Early Child Intervention Servces and we are (finally) being "processed" by the Family Support for Children with Disabilities (FSCD) program. Good god, I would make a deal with the Faustian devil if that would help my little girl.

We are trying Brain Gym (www.braingym.org) and touch therapy at home and it seems to be helping -- even after a week Stella seems much more alert and is turning her head to look at things. It is expensive, though -- $80/session. That, together with the $800/mth for daycare for Francis and our recent car repairs are draining our cash flow. I would like to have Francis in part-time care, but we are reluctant to give up our daycare spot since finding good daycare in this city is extremely difficult (hello? Mr. Harper? see http://www.buildchildcare.ca/BE_petition.php/honourthem to complain!)

Crafty Girl

Above is a photo of my latest project -- a jacket for my girlfriend's little girl, whose second birthday is coming up. I think that it will be too big for her, as it fits Francis! The pattern is from Ottobre Spring 2006. (http://www.ottobredesign.com/en/). The pattern calls for felted wool, but I had fleece, and the pattern was simple, so I improvised. I think it turned out OK, what do you think? It still needs fasteners (I am thinking snaps instead of buttons ...)

Dan calls me The Queen of Unfinished Projects. Here is a list of my projects currently undergo and unfinished;

(1) Putting up 2 Ikea shelves
(2) Refinishing deck furniture (2/3rds of the way there? Project started Fall 05!)
(3) Birthday book for Francis (ah, oops? missed the deadline?)
(4) Knitting baby sweater for Stella from S&B vol. 1
(5) Sewing hallowe'en costume for Francis (starting early! he is going to be a king)
(6) Finishing cupboard handles in kitchen
(7) Complete silk-knotting new pearl necklace

... and there is probably more (much, much more) that I have forgotten ...

Stella Star

I am so so worried about my Stella Star. She hasn't been tracking objects visually or reaching for objects, both of which are developmental milestones that we are watching for. The neurologist ordered a LVEP (LED Visual Evoked Potential Study) and a BAEP (Brainstem Auditory Evoked Potential Study), and we got the results back yesterday. Both were abnormal. What does this mean? I am not sure, but the peditrician looked concerned. I am inclined not to worry too too much (is that possible?) about the hearing potential, since she has yet ANOTHER ear infection, so the fluid in her ears is probably affecting her hearing. The visual does worry me.

After visiting the (wonderful) Dr. Wong yesterday, our Pediatrician, I cried in front of Francis. He found this upsetting -- Mommas aren't supposed to cry, apparently. I am so worried for Stella -- and guilty. Guilty for creating her (Are her structural defects my fault? Was it something I ate? Did? Not do?) Guilty for being worried (not very constructive, as Dan points out). Oh, how I want to ease the way for children. How desparately I want to be a good parent. How overwhelmingly I love them.

Potty Time

Hallalujah! We've had potty success! Francis is independently going pee and poop on his potty! This is a big, big deal for all involved -- you can only imagine the poop dance that Momma and Daddy perform for Francis (and offer him his choice of a wide range of rewards). Good god, I was beginning to resign myself to running after him with a pull-up as he walked down the aisle for his wedding. We've only been potty-training for, oh, 1 1/2 to 2 years. Oh yes, this is huge, huge news. Shout it from the rooftops! I know that we are not home-free (diaper-free?) yet, but this is a real breakthrough, and I suppose only those of you who are parents can truly empathsize with my joy. (Yes, this is joy -- and pride -- I am feeling).

To Sleep, To Dream

Why, oh, why is it so difficult for kids/babies to go to sleep? (I say this remembering how it was difficult for me as a child ...) As an adult, I fall gratefully into sleep, and as a mother, long greedily for a good lengthy stretch of it. But for my kids, hell no, sleep is an enemy that must be fought valiently each night. With Francis, the bedtime routine starts an hour (!) before his bedtime -- clean-up, bathtime, PJ-time, books, cuddle. Lately he been creeping out of bed after he has been tucked in, gathering 10-15 of his favorite books and reading for a long while. On the one hand, I just hate to take books (we like to encourage literacy in this house), but on the other, the child needs to sleep, and god knows his behaviour the next day bears me out. (Come to think of it, perhaps this is my problem with my Dr. Jeckell/Mr. Hyde behaviour lately as well).

Who was it that said that children are afraid to go to sleep because they don't quite believe that they will wake up in the morning? Francis has begun the Epoch of the Scary (bugs are scary, birds are scary, broccoli is scary ...) and I am wondering if this has something to do with the sleeptime resistance. I am thinking that perhaps now is a good time for us to teach him yoga and/or relaxation. I am thinking, the earlier yoga enters his life, the better. (I wish I had found yoga earlier). We have bought a "Yoga Kids" DVD, but apparently snake pose is "scary". Who knew?

Lizard Boy

Francis has terrible eczema, poor thing. Just call him Lizard Boy. We've managed to calm the huge red swarths of scaly, itchy redness down to patches of scaly itchy redness, but as one patch disappears another arrives. I've washed all his clothes and his bedding in sensitive skin baby laundry soap, and we've changed his bath soap. We've tried every cream under the sun, with varying degrees of success. However, I sense that we are just treating the symptoms and not the disease, so to speak. From what I've been able to research, eczema is an allergic reation to something. It's the something that is so elusive. Dairy, citrus, soy, wheat, yeast ... I was hoping that it was soap (even though now we have a super-efficient front-end loading washing machine, too -- you know you are a grown-up when the highlight of your year is a new appliance). So, now I am moving onto foods, beginning with yeast. (We've been eating a lot of bread now that the Urban Baker is up the street, a new artisan bakery. Yum!). I had thought that since Francis was three, we had escaped the dreaded allergies. Poor boy -- he scratches away and looks to me for relief and I just feel like I am failing him. Too bad he wasn't really a lizard boy, and could just shed the itchy skin and start afresh.

In my last post did I mention that it was spring? Did I mention that this is Calgary? And it is supposed to snow tomorrow? Francis' daycare has reminders posted for parents to have both sunhats and mittens available for the children ...