I am so so worried about my Stella Star. She hasn't been tracking objects visually or reaching for objects, both of which are developmental milestones that we are watching for. The neurologist ordered a LVEP (LED Visual Evoked Potential Study) and a BAEP (Brainstem Auditory Evoked Potential Study), and we got the results back yesterday. Both were abnormal. What does this mean? I am not sure, but the peditrician looked concerned. I am inclined not to worry too too much (is that possible?) about the hearing potential, since she has yet ANOTHER ear infection, so the fluid in her ears is probably affecting her hearing. The visual does worry me.
After visiting the (wonderful) Dr. Wong yesterday, our Pediatrician, I cried in front of Francis. He found this upsetting -- Mommas aren't supposed to cry, apparently. I am so worried for Stella -- and guilty. Guilty for creating her (Are her structural defects my fault? Was it something I ate? Did? Not do?) Guilty for being worried (not very constructive, as Dan points out). Oh, how I want to ease the way for children. How desparately I want to be a good parent. How overwhelmingly I love them.
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